what men should know!hekhekhek

The 9 Types of Girlfriends

Ms. Nice Guy
"Tickets to the boxing match? Oh, darling, you shouldn't have!"
Also known as: Whattagal, Precious, one of the boys, My Main Squeeze,
Doormat
Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
Disadvantages: May wise up someday

Old Yeller
"You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-a** no-talent son of a b***h!
Can't you see you're making me miserable??"
Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from
Hell
Advantages: Pays attention to you
Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans

Sickly
"Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite."
Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy
Advantages: Predictable
Disadvantages: Contagious

The Bosser
"Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your
job. Make some money. Don't give me that look."
Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and
Chain, Yes Mom
Advantages: Often right
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied
"I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair
color?"
Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw C'mon Honey
Advantages: Easily soothed
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed

Wild Woman out of Control
"I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I
done it before. S'fun."
Also known as: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Goodtime Charleena, Passed Out
Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs

Huffy
"I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering
at."
Also known as: No Fun, Humorless Prig, Cold fish, Chilly Proposition,
Iceberg, Snarly
Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
Disadvantages: You will have no friends

Woman from Mars
"I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our
relationship."
Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News,
Artistic
Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud

Ms. Dreamgirl
"I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome
genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like
crazed weasels now!"
Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
Advantages: Funny, intelligent, uninhibited
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you

here's another one(read this from another forum)


breasts are not speed bumps to the promised land (sometimes women just want to cuddle and feel warm without the complication of sex)

Getting a boner while we’re sleeping next to you is not an excuse to wake us up (man, don't treat us like a 7/11 store!)

No matter how much we reassure you, if you can’t get a hard-on we assume you’re not attracted to us anymore.

Jewelry. Now you know what to get us for a last-minute gift.

Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women, its because she’s either bat-s@%t crazy or just plain biatch. (thank God for girlfriends)

If we give you our number on a Friday, Tuesday and Wednesday are your best bets to score a date. Monday is too desperate, Thursday is just too late.

Don’t call us “cute.” (In our mind it’s the same as “not vomit-inducing.” “Sexy,” OK. “Hot,” yes. “f#&king awesome,” only if we're at least slightly buzzed)

and lastly...

Female serial killers tend to use poison rather than guns or knives.

wahahaha...thanx for posting ice ice baby...ive learned something, GIRLS ARE SERIAL KILLERS!

another one..things get better..heehee..sorry gurls


About Women


-----------------------------
WORKPLACE HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SYSTEM
MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET

WOMAN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL: WO2
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 lb. but known to vary from 100 to 550 lb.
OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Surface usually covered with painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously if left alone with a male.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by
saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.

TESTS:

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one.

facts:

1) Women are always right.
2) When women are wrong refer to no. 1.

what she really meant when she replies these to you:

10. I'm on my way! (Naliligo pa.)
9. Miss na kita. (Wala akong magawa.)
8. I don't smoke. (Kung ikaw ang kasama.)
7. I like you! (Kilig ka naman?!)
6. Sleep na ako. (Nakakapagod ka katext.)
5. Busy pa ako. (Boring ka.)
4. Lowbat na ako (May ibang katext.)
3. Wala akong signal (Maghintay ka nga!)
2. Wala akong load. (Nagsasayang lang ako ng load sa iyo.)
1. I love you. (Para tumahimik ka na.)

iCe wrote:

what she really meant when she replies these to you:

10. I'm on my way! (Naliligo pa.)
9. Miss na kita. (Wala akong magawa.)
8. I don't smoke. (Kung ikaw ang kasama.)
7. I like you! (Kilig ka naman?!)
6. Sleep na ako. (Nakakapagod ka katext.)
5. Busy pa ako. (Boring ka.)
4. Lowbat na ako (May ibang katext.)
3. Wala akong signal (Maghintay ka nga!)
2. Wala akong load. (Nagsasayang lang ako ng load sa iyo.)
1. I love you. (Para tumahimik ka na.)

FAMILIAR!!!!

Men ' s Pearls of Wisdom



1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don ' t remember, what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object.. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature ' s way of saying ' No hard feelings... '

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - ' don ' t ' and ' stop ' , unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man ' s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured..

9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don ' t have a good partner, you ' d better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What ' s an Australian kiss?

A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?

A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn ' t.

16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don ' t have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, ' Don ' t take your troubles to bed ' , many men still sleep with their wives!!

hilarious!

ahm. wild woman murag interesting lagi. wehehehehe

hikhikhik!

kinsa na woman?hmf!!!!

amen..,

TOP TEN REASONS WHY WOMEN REJECT MEN AND WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one jurassic geezer.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend (who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).

5. I don't date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me. (It's not me, it's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)

.....and the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it actually means)

1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing)

Women: Don't tell us when you think other girls are hot.
Men: We prefer to lie to ourselves about most things so why should this be any different. You are only attracted to us...

Women: If you don't act like soap-opera guys, don't expect us to dress like Victoria Secret models.
Men: We would prefer that you just stop acting like soap-opera women. We really don't need your psychotic meaningless drama.

Women: There is no such thing as too much spooning.
Men: Honey, the house is on fire and the baby is choking... let's spoon.

Women: Just because you L the C doesn't mean we have to S the D.
Men: Wow, that's classy. Just another female double standards, and you complain that men have too many. Let's keep track shall we? #1.

Women: This is how we see it... Don't call = Don't Care.
Men: It's about time you figured that out. We were thinking we'd have to paint a picture.

Women: We like you to be a little jealous... but overly possessive is not necessary.
Men: And it's is up to men to read women's thoughts to know exactly what the right level is. Sure.

Women: Putting things in our butt does not turn us on.
Men: Oh, now suddenly this is all about you?

Women: We're allowed to be late... you are not.
Men: Double standard #2.

Women: Eye contact is key.
Men: Even during doggie style? I hope you do Yoga!

Women: Don't take longer to get ready than we do.
Men: Double standard #3.

Women: Laugh at our jokes.
Men: But you're jokes are lame because you're so concerned about offending minorities.

Women: Three words... honesty, honesty, honesty.
Men: Okay, you not only look fat in those pants, but she is a lot more attractive than you.

Women: Girls can be groupies. Guy groupies are stalkers.
Men: Double standard #4.

Women: We never have to wonder if your orgasm was real.
Men: And we don't really care if you even have one, what's your point?

Women: Do not start with us. You will not win.
Men: Is that why spousal abuse is on the rise?

Women: Would you like it if a guy treated your sister that way? We didn't think so.
Men: So, what then, do you get nailed by your brother or something?

Women: We will never have enough clothes or shoes!
Men: Let's invite homeless people over so we can taunt them with your huge horde of clothes that you never wear, but couldn't possibly give away.

Women: We have an excuse to act bitchy at least once a month.
Men: Then why do you have to be bitchy all the friggin' time?

Women: Open the door for us no matter where we are... even at our house and getting into the car.
MEn: Because you'll do the same for us? Double standard #5.

Women: We love surprises!
Men: Then you'll be happy to know that I'm sleeping with your sister!

Women: Hit it and quit it, because later I'll be with you're best friend and he lasts for hours.
Men: We'll last for hours when you stop lying there like a corpse and actually move your ass.

Women: If we wanted to be on video tape, we'd be a porn star not your girlfriend.
Men: Obviously you haven't watched enough porn to think that your body could ever be in porn.

Women: Sensitive guys are great... but crying more than we do in a movie just isn't right.
MEn: Double standard #6. Way to desire equality.

Women: It takes a special kind of stupid to forget birthdays.
Men: It's not stupid, we just really don't care.

Women: Guys who are good cuddlers = guys who know how to satisfy a woman.
Men: Yeah, nothing causes a more satisfying orgasm then some hot and heavy cuddling.

Women: "Fat Chicks" have feelings too.
Men: In fact, they have a lot more feelings. About a ton more.

Women: Silent treatment, shoulder shrugs, tears, yelling, and nasty looks all add up to... YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG!
Men: No, it adds up to, unless you actually tell us what is wrong, we don't care.

Women: If you are not a good dancer, please be self-aware.
Men: Yet, women expect you to take them dancing all the time anyway.

Women: You don't have to spend a lot, if it means a lot.
Men: See, even if that Prada bag was on sale when you bought it, we'll still appreciate it.

Women: When the girls get together, we talk about EVERYTHING. Meaning my best friends know everything about you.
Men: Well, duh, I'm sleeping with them too.


men are so full of bullshiz

hehehe!!

but there are few good men left, gamay na lng jud kmi so take advantage of us...hehehe!